Anxious

I am feeling anxious and a little scared. Tomorrow I have my appointment with Dr. Dechet. I'm not sure what to expect. I have my questions ready, but I wonder what kind of answers I will get. I know that the results of my CT scan I had on Monday should be available. I don't know if Dr. Dechet will want to schedule my surgery. If he does, I wonder how much information he will try and give me tomorrow. Thanks to the people on BCAN, I have learned a lot about the pre and post op procedures. I wonder if Dechet will follow the same procedures. I know it's silly to worry about things I can't control, but I am.

I have mentioned several times about situations that have not gone as I feel they should have at the Huntsman and my CT scan was no different. The doctors office had called on the 17th to give me the details of the scan and told me to show up 2 hrs. early to drink the contrast. I understood this because my 2 previous scans, I had to drink the contrast. Well on the 25th, the CT dept. called to verify the appointment and proceeded to tell me I didn't need to drink any contrast. I said that the doctor's office said I did need the contrast. They assured me I didn't. So that night, I email the ask a nurse and informed them of the conflict and asked if they could check on it and let me know tomorrow (Friday). And as usual, I did not get a response. So all weekend, I wondered what I should do. Luckily, my appointment was late on Monday so I had time to call the doctor's office and try and get an answer. I did get in touch with the office and they told me I needed the contrast and they would talk to the CT dept. I arrived early for my CT and was again told I didn't need contrast. After some discussion, I was given the contrast to drink. And I have to ask myself, HOW CAN THE COMMUNICATION BE SO POOR!!! When I talking directly to people, they are straight forward and nice. But this miscommunication and unreturned messages happens so much that I truly wonder if I should go out of state.

Going out of state is something I have considered from the very beginning. But I went to the Huntsman hoping they would show me they were the best place for me to be. But in my opinion, they have consistently shown me the opposite. Although the people have been great when I am there in person, the frustration I have received from unreturned messages and miscommunication has been great. so I finally investigated people on BCAN who went out of state. One from N.M. and one from Idaho ended up at USC cancer hospital. They both got first rate care and more importantly no complications from their surgery. I am so close to at least going and talking to the doctor. I will wait to see how my meeting goes tomorrow.

Good night.

Getting back to it!!

Today was kind of special. Tuesday is my walking night. But today I changed it up a little. I stopped home after work and strapped on my heart rate monitor and put on shorts and my running shoes. I thought I might change my pace today. I got to Green Canyon and started to walk. But after a short distance, I decided to try and run. I was not sure how my body would take it. But it felt GOOD. Anyway, I went for 3 miles. The first half was up hill and the second down hill. Of course I was able to run the whole down hill section, but I did run at least half the up hill section. For me, this is a big deal. I am not an exercise Nazi, but I do like to try and stay fit. After my heart attack, I knew that I wanted to keep that muscle strong in case of another one my heart would fare as good as the first time - no dead tissue. So today was good.

In my last post, I mentioned that there was more to the story of the upcoming doctor's appointment on 7/2/15. Well the irony of the situation is that while I have been pushing to try and talk about the next step and moving forward, the doctor leaves on vacation for the whole month of July after he sees me on 7/2. So as far as my surgery goes with this doctor it appears that the soonest time would be August and more likely September. Not sure how I feel about this. Not sure how my cancer feels about this. It seems like this meeting on the 7/2 will be interesting. I wonder how much of his mind will be on my questions and concerns and how much will be on his vacation plans. It's times like this I need to remind myself to not worry about things I have no control over.

Well it's late and tonight I am tired. Thanks everyone for your prayers and support. The wheels do seem to move slow. Good night.

Returning to normal

It has now been 2 weeks since I sat in a chair for 6 hours and let the chemo med drip into my veins. I had lost 15 lbs. from then till now. I can see it in my face. My hair and whiskers stopped growing, so I haven't shaved in 8 weeks or so.

But I have been getting stronger over this past week. My appetite has almost returned. But I still miss the feeling of being hungry for something. You know when you just have a craving for something. I don't have that - yet. But I do somewhat feel the sensation of hunger. I am working full days, 5 days a week. I do get tired. Bit as I said earlier, I am getting stronger each day.

I decided that I needed to start my exercise program back up. For me that means walking up Green Canyon after work. Not everyday, that would be to much. So Tuesday I decided to walk 2 or more miles. First half uphill - Second half down. So I am a mile up and decide I feel good enough to keep going and I start to climb gate hill. I get almost to the top and a truck approaches me going down. The truck reaches me, slows down, and then stops. The window rolls down and the driver looks at me and ask, "Do you need a ride or are you like walking?" I assured him that I was OK and was indeed walking. They gave me a thumbs up and continued on and I thought to myself how bad must I look that someone passing by thought "This guy does not look well. We better stop and ask if he needs help." I had to laugh to myself and then I thought how lucky I am to live in a place where strangers care enough to ask if you are OK. Tomorrow I walk again. Hopefully I'll look fit enough that people will think I belong up there.

On the medical side, I finally heard back from the doctor's office (Dr. Dechet) at the Huntsman. I have a CT scan scheduled for 6/29/15 and an appointment to see Dr. Dechet on 7/2/15. I have much more to say about this, but it is late and I am tired. When I have time and energy, I will tell you the irony of all of this. But for sure, the 7/2 meeting is going to be a big one.

One last thing before I say good night. I want to thank everyone who has been thinking of or praying for me. I still have trouble believing what has, is, and will be happening to me. It's "INCONCIEVABLE"! Ha. I don't feel sick. I don't feel cancer. My urinary system seems to be working better then it has in a long time. I don't understand - why me. But again  - THANK YOU.

Good night.



 

Just Waiting

It's been about one week since the last chemo and I feel like shit. Actually, that might be to strong. I guess in the scheme of things, I could always feel worse. But I do feel my best at that moment when I first wake up (assuming I've had a restful sleep). I think to myself that this is the day where my batteries are fully charged. But then I get up, get ready, realize I still don't have an appetite, go up and down the stairs a few times, and I am tired and out of breathe. Then the rest of the day is spent managing the moving around and looking forward to a 2-3 hr. lunchtime nap.

Also, I wish I had an appetite. No food or drink ever sounds good. Don't know if I lost any weight. Don't own a scale. Although my belt buckle has moved up a notch or so. It seems like I am just waiting. Waiting for this to end. Waiting for a moment where I feel not tired. Waiting for the sound of some food to actually sound delicious. Waiting to be able to move on. Waiting...........

I want to say a BIG THANK YOU to my friend Jim, who stepped up and cut my grass for me on Monday. With Dean on vacation, I just mentioned at church that I might need some help and within an hour or so, it was arranged. I AM SO BLESSED!!!!

Well, I am tired and I still have a few minor things to do. Here's some irony. For those who have a cleaning service, do you pick up stuff around the house and put it somewhere so the cleaning people won't hide it from you????

Good night.......

The Last Roundup

Tomorrow I start my 3rd and last round of chemo. After the first round - no problem. But after the second round, I still am not the same man. So here's hoping the 3rd round goes quickly and I will just deal with it as it comes. They didn't give me the dirtiest, nastiest one of the three possible treatments for no good reason. So bring it on! - Hold it  - Wait. Does anyone got some pot to sell? This 3rd round may call for alternative medical solutions.

I did get to play golf on Sunday. Thanks to my playing partners - Dan, Dawn, and Paul - they help make each outing an enjoyable time no matter how poorly I play. Latter Barb, Dean, and Ashlee (Dean's girlfriend) came over for an early birthday celebration (I kind of think I'm not going to want to celebrate much on the 5th). We went to dinner, had cake, played a mean game of Clue, and then taught Dean and Ashlee how to play Euchre. It was one of the nicest nights I had in a while and we had fun as a family. I miss playing cards.

With this week passing, I move closer to the final solution. The surgery - RC and neobladder. Of course, it would also be nice to know if the cancer has spread to anywhere else. And surgery will help tell that. But that doesn't seem to matter to me. The damn RC and neobladder is what occupies my mind. I have to start to prepare mentally for this new life - in a POSITIVE mind set.

I'm tired - a common feeling lately. Time for bed.
Good night.

Quick Update

Tomorrow is Friday and I was hoping to feel back at full strength for the weekend. But I don't think that is going to happen. This 2nd round of chemo seems to be hanging on for a while. A general lack of energy, lack of appetite, and shortness of breathe seem to be an everyday situation. For some reason with this go around I have developed sinus pain and swelling. Just something else to deal with. None of this makes it impossible to function. But all them combined does make it a challenge.

The problem is that starting Tuesday I start my 3rd and final round of chemo. I am nervous that if I go into this last round in a weak state, the 3rd treatment will really leave me in a bad state. I can see a possibility of a minimum 2 week recovery. I know they want to get a CT scan done after my chemo, but it will be a while before I can hold down all the contrast they want me to drink.

Well, I hope I feel well enough to play 9 holes on Sunday. I won't even try to walk, it will be a cart for me.

Good night.

Feeling Strange

Well, I just finished round 2 of chemo today and am feeling the effects. Thank goodness for nausea medicine. But what has got to me this round is this strange addition a surgeon put into my upper chest on Tuesday morning. It is my port, a device that allows medicine(?) to be more easily delivered to my blood stream. It is inserted under my skin near my left side collar bone and travels down into or a vessel near my heart. I guess this because before I left the hospital, they do a quick chest x ray to make sure the port didn't slide to far down into the heart. Anyway, tonight I got to take off the bandages and shower. For the first time I was able to look at this object pushing out of my chest. It is tender and does not look like it belongs. I stare into the mirror at this thing and the thoughts and emotions of having to have this damn thing in my body come to the surface. And one emotion that rises is I feel a little scared. I'm going to be wearing this thing for a long time and I suppose I will get used to it. But right now it is a symbol of what has gone wrong in me.

Time to try and sleep
Good night