It seems to me that this history background stuff might be boring if it didn't happen to you. But it did happen to me. And how I got to this point, I hope may help somebody NOT get to this point, because my future doesn't look all blue skies and sunshine. So back to the history.
I really suck at remembering dates, but I looked up when my kidney stone was done and it was the last part of 2013. So I continue seeing the urologist because I continue having the same occasional problem urinating as I described earlier. They put me on Flowmax to shrink my prostate. My PSA continues to go up and down, but never a number high enough for alarm bells. They continue to find minor blood in my urine, but can find no bacteria to point to an infection. So I form a new theory that my problem is coming from my prostate. When I exercise, my big old prostate gets banged up and swells up causing my problem. The doctor doesn't buy my theory, but he doesn't have a clue either. He would like to do a cystoscope on me. This is where they shove a camera up your urethra. I tell the doctor that those two bottom orifices are one way streets and the camera would be going the wrong way. Growing up I remember my father telling a story of a doctor putting something up the end of his penis and saying it was the most painful thing he had ever did. The mental image of this process sent shivers thru my groin. But after a few more urinary episodes the doctor during a visit in September 2014 convinced me that the scope was the only way we were going to figure this out. He explained it and told me it would be done in 5 minutes.
OK men (or maybe ladies also) let me tell you how it is. You lay down on a table. They take some sort of syringe thing that is filled with a numbing gel and squirt it into the urethra and they also fill your bladder with saline solution. They say they need your bladder full. That does feel strange. You feel like you need to pee but you don't. They give you a moment or two and then they let you know it's coming. They tell you that you have to relax. They say if you tighten your groin or sphincter muscles, you will only make it worse. So man I tried to relax. I took deep breathes and tried to go to that nothing box in my brain. Yes, you can feel this thing being inserted in you. No, it is not at all painful. Is it uncomfortable - you bet! You can feel as it slides and rotates around. Let's just say that you are glad when it comes out. And it does only take maybe 5 minutes although I'm sure it did seem longer. BUT PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID - GET IT DONE IF NEEDED. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!!
So we get done and I go back in and get dressed. The doctor comes in and says that he saw some spots in my bladder that concerned him. They were not big, but he thought they might be something that might lead to cancer, kind of pre cancer cells. Anyway, he wanted to do a biopsy and make sure. So on 9/18/14, I had my first biopsy. They put you out. I didn't feel a thing. Everything went great. I went home. Urinated blood for at least the rest of the day. I was in absolutely no pain thanks to some good pain meds.
The operation was on a Thursday and the doctor said he may have the pathology report late Friday or for sure Monday. Waiting for that report was difficult. I didn't get a call until Tuesday. When the doctor called I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The pathologist said that the results were "INCONCLUSIVE"!!! WHAT!!! How can that be??? Rather then wait to talk to the doctor in person, I went to the office and picked up a copy of the report for myself. I spent the rest of that day researching until I understood every damn word on that report. I won't get into the details. To be honest, it still upsets me when I read it. The bottom line is he said it looked like it could be or could become high grade carcinoma in situ (baby cancer). But he wouldn't say for sure. He said if the urologist felt differently about the report, then we should have another biopsy. Part of his last quote reads, ".... diligent clinical follow up is warranted."
I need to stop now. The story only gets better / worse and I tend to emotional when I retell it. I realize that I can't change what has happened. I have cried often and still do when I dwell to long here. But I so truly hope that by sharing this it may help someone avoid my outcome. I will try to continue the story tomorrow. I want to focus on the present asap.
